oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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