I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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