i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
