I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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