She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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