Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
