Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
