It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
