Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
