Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
