is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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