I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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