It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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