I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
