What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
