I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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