I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
