DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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