I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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