Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
