you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
tonight lets celebrate not being married
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
