I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
