he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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