News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need to calm my uterus...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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