I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
