After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
