Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
