yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
