But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
