just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
