so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
