i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The uberlube is also flammable
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
