I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
