i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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