Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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