This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
