I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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