oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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