Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
How's work?
Spinning.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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