dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
