You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The uberlube is also flammable
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
