where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
