O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
