Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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