oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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