dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
