He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
