you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
