I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
