Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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