...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
