i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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