I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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